Got caught jamming to the hold music on the phone. PGP.

I still have an iPhone 4. PGP.

The combined record of my college team, my pro team, and my two fantasy football teams: 1-12. PGP.

My co-worker said he had the “gift of gab,” but really he has the “curse of not being able to shut the fuck up”. PGP.

The only greater hell I can imagine than being here for over two years is being the type of person that is willing to stay for over two years. PGP.

Being ready to party but remembering it’s Tuesday. PGP.

“Cake-eater” being more of a description of my diet than a ’90s insult. PGP.

My mom sent me vitamins. PGP.

We had a fire drill today. I had many emotions, but the one that won out was apathy. PGP.

Paying off office gambling debts with Adderall. PGP.

No amount of water can fix this Adderall and coffee induced cotton mouth. PGP.

When you’re still paying the price for going out on Friday the following Tuesday. PGP.