Hawaiian shirt day at the office. Not even Steve can ruin this for me today. PGP.

At this point, I could consider myself a born again virgin. PGP.

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, assuming I die by Monday. PGP.

Drake’s perspective of not having any new friends is a lot different from mine. PGP.

I don’t always fart in my cubicle, but when I do, it’s right before my manager stops by. PGP.

Just bought a sick vacuum. PGP.

There’s been a tupperware of mac ‘n cheese in the break room fridge for at least a month now. PGP.

Considering a job with less pay but a much cooler title. PGP.

Finally typed up my two week notice. Realized I have no idea who it goes to in our company and no one will tell me. I literally cannot quit. PGP.

My dad guilt tripped me into flying home for Holidays. The tickets cost $800. Then he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. How about $800? PGP.

Finding out the real world doesn’t celebrate Columbus Day, the hard way. PGP.

You can tell a lot about a man from his shoes. Like how often he poops at work. PGP.