Promoted from an hourly to a salaried position. Celebrated my first week by working 23 hours of unpaid overtime. PGP.

Trying to decide what the difference is between “car accident that justifies a few days off work” and “horrible car accident.” PGP.

Year-end raise hit my paycheck this week. All $3.81 of it. PGP.

I like to pretend that the super hot bank teller is flirting with me, but deep down I know she’s just really nice to everyone. PGP.

When TImes New Roman size 12 looks small to you. PGP.

I’m in an office wide Trivia Crack tournament. PGP.

Broke my New Years Resolution to not use Tinder. Not a single match yet. PGP.

Spent over five hours of company time playing Oregon Trail, making up for all the elementary school sessions that my teachers cut short. PGP.

Got strep throat yesterday. My boss asked me if I was still coming in. She was legitimately pissed off when I told her the antibiotics take 24 hours to kick in. PGP.

Being legitimately excited about new items in the vending machine. PGP.

First thing I do at work in the morning is countdown the hours until lunch. PGP.

Moved to the South to escape brutal, Northern winters. Woke up to a high of 21 today. PGP.

Just realized I read and enjoyed an article ranking types of milk. PGP.

My boss just volunteered me to speak at an elementary school for career day. PGP.

I didn’t make a single call all last week and no one even said anything. PGP.

Not adding anyone as a friend on the Fitbit app because I don’t want my friends to see how big of a lazy piece of shit I am. PGP.

Leaving it all on the field. The field being the break room ping pong table. PGP.

I have been asked by every single one of my middle-aged female coworkers if I know Farmer Chris just because I’m from Iowa. PGP.

Finally got moved to a cube by the window and a bird dropped a six inch streak of shit right in the middle of it. The window washers come once a year. PGP.

The head of my company’s diversity committee is an old white guy. PGP.