Never being caught up on emails. PGP.

One of these days, I’m going to scream “Shut the fuck up” out loud instead of in my head. PGP.

So under qualified I didn’t even get a rejection letter. PGP.

The guy Merrill Lynch assigned to manage my IRA is one year younger than me. PGP.

Prioritizing solicitation calls based on attractiveness of a company’s rep. PGP.

Moses having a 40-year dry streak. PGP.

I’m still not sure if I have to work Friday or not. PGP.

Seeing something NSFW online and immediately going to your phone to look at it. PGP.

Dreading returning your rental car because it’s that much nicer than your own. PGP.

Wells Fargo calling you at work about a suspicious charge for Adult Friend Finder. PGP.

“You are a sad, strange, little man.” PGP.

Acquiring a large collection of allen wrenches because of all the Target and IKEA furniture you own. PGP.