There’s no way I’m hitting my sales quota. PGP.

I don’t play video games, but I listen to video game music at work. PGP.

I can’t sleep past 6 a.m. PGP.

No plans are the best plans. PGP.

The “Yeah, I can get drunk on $25” conversation with yourself every Friday. PGP.

Have I seen the sun this week? PGP.

I don’t even know what my New Year’s resolution was for 2014. I do know that I didn’t keep it. PGP.

I haven’t bought a new video game in years. PGP.

The new coffee I switched to gives me heartburn. PGP.

Pushy salesmen trying to close before the end of the year. PGP.

Threw my back out sneezing. PGP.

Using your parents’ Amazon Prime account to order their Christmas presents. PGP.