Never putting away laundry right after it’s done. PGP.

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, assuming I die by Monday. PGP.

At this point I’m literally just pissing coffee. PGP.

Facebook photos of friends running marathons. PGP.

They still haven’t approved my vacation time. PGP.

Getting hit with banking fees for reasons you don’t understand. PGP.

I literally did nothing at work today. Seriously, nothing. PGP.

The insanely difficult 5:30 decision between hitting the gym or bottle. PGP.

Having a dining room table, but using the coffee table instead out of habit. PGP.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit. PGP.

Handling the stress of working 8 to 6, and then coming home to your parents. PGP.

Buying a plant for your cubicle because you heard it helps with depression. PGP.

Single-ply toilet paper in the stall. PGP.

This whole Ray Rice thing really makes me wonder how many times someone has seen me pick my nose while riding an elevator alone. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me, Goose.” PGP.

Having nightmares about oversleeping for work. PGP.

Waiting to get a haircut until your next paycheck. PGP.

Throwing out your shoulder while playing a game of Golden Tee. PGP.

My company put me in charge of ordering new business cards for everyone. Say hello to your new Executive Vice President of Marketing Coordination. PGPM.

Bringing a notepad to a meeting with zero intention of taking notes. PGP.