The only other employee under 40 just quit. PGP.

Had a great first date last night. We bonded over how terrible cable companies are. PGP.

ALL CAPS IS INDUSTRY STANDARD. i FORGET TO TURN IT OFF OCCASIONALLY AND EVERYONE THINKS I’M YELLING ON FACEBOOK. PGP.

That person in your office building that you see every day but you never say hi to. PGP.

Canceling a date for Sunday brunch while in bed with a different date Saturday night. PGP.

Hawaiian shirt day at the office. Not even Steve can ruin this for me today. PGP.

I make my lunches the night before. PGP.

Been calling a new guy Steve for two weeks. He emailed me today that his name is Rick. PGP.

All of my friends are going to my ex-girlfriend’s wedding this weekend. PGP.

Submitting one resume and immediately planning a life based around that potential job. PGP.

Taking an early lunch to take advantage of the doorbuster specials at Jos. A. Bank. PGP.

Getting banned from multiple Chipotles for getting caught telling the cashier you got “half and half” when you really got double meat. PGP.

I don’t remember the last time my bank account hit 5 digits. PGP.

Got a clothing iron for Christmas. PGP.

I have been asked by every single one of my middle-aged female coworkers if I know Farmer Chris just because I’m from Iowa. PGP.

“Sorry I’m late, my kids are on Spring Break.” PGP.

My little brother’s job out of college offered a higher salary than I currently make. PGP.

Kate Upton settling with those Game of War commercials makes me feel better about settling with my career path. PGP.

Wearing noise canceling headphones into the break room. PGP.

“If there’s a steady paycheck in it, I’ll believe anything you say.” - Winston Zeddemore, PGP.