I hate Sunday Funday. I mean, I love Sunday Funday, I just hate tomorrow morning

My wife hates me and I don’t blame her.

Really testing the limits of “casual Friday”. PGP.

Porterhouse Taste, flank budget. PGP. #respectthesteak

Found out the CFO can directly see my computer screen; has been for 9 months. Prob seeing me write this

“I’m not getting married until everybody can get married.”

“When are you going to make an honest woman out of her?” #PGP

The motion-censored bathroom lights going out mid-poop. PGP.

I drove 30 minutes for my clients to pretend they weren’t home. #pgp

Spent the morning arguing with the power company. They won. PGP

Jerseys from your childhood are now being worn as throwback jerseys

Never volunteering to drive to lunch so you can maintain that front row spot.