All my college friends are still single and booze hounds. I’m married and get drunk of with a 6 pack. PGP

Office summer party is tomorrow. I don’t think I can take an extra 3+ hours of pretending to like these people. PGP.

Paying rent before your friend’s bachelor party because you don’t trust yourself. PGP.

Opened up a Roth IRA today. Childhood officially dead.

I just suggested fantasy football as a team building exercise.

Having an inferior credit card rewards program than your friends. PGP.

My pre-game level of drinking from college can get me hammered now. PGP.

Having a destination wedding after all of your friend’s pissed you off. PGP.

Umbrella broke in the middle of a downpour. I am now sitting at my desk in soaked clothes

I can’t handle following Miley Cyrus on Instgram.

Showing an “old dog new tricks”. PGP.

“We’re going to start making some changes here in the office…”