I have every major news app on my phone. PGP.

My cubicle is basically just a cesspool of my own farts.

I’m at the weird age where my snapchat story feed consists of my older friends meals and my younger friends blacking out the night before. PGP

Girlfriend just said she felt sick. There goes my weekend. PGP

Had a nightmare my credit score dropped a hundred points overnight.

Someone flushed a toilet during a conference call.

The new guy just started singing along to Toto’s ‘Africa’. PGP.

Each batch of interns seems dumber than the last. PGP

I’m really starting to like talk radio. PGP

Using a gift card to pay for a date. PGP.

I only own two pairs of work pants that I rotate every other week. PGP.

Getting drunk and adding people I barely know on LinkedIn. PGP.