Not having the premium version of Acrobat on your personal laptop. PGP.

The internet is super slow because everyone is streaming the Masters

Only person on my floor who can physically put in a new water jug on the cooler. PGP

Got a 2 out of 3 on my performance exam for attendance. I haven’t missed a day of work since 2014. PGP.

When I get home from work I use my work laptop to watch Hulu so I appear “online” after hours. PGPM.

ESPN, CNN, BBC, refresh, repeat. PGP.

Saw my boss coming 100ft away but pretended like I didn’t see, and didn’t hold the door for her. PGPM.

Fuck you and your cc-ing habit. PGP.

I used to see Tetris in my sleep when I was a kid. Now I see Excel. PGP

Changing my PGP profile picture is the most productive thing I’ve done all day. PGP

“You surpassed your annual billable hours goal by 35%, so I gave you a performance rating of ‘Meets Expectations’.” PGP.

Fishing for work wives on the first day. PGPM