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So you have a bunch of friends getting engaged and the most intimate moment you’ve had this month was with a slice of cold pizza sitting on your couch watching reruns of House of Cards? Fear not, sad person, you could still be doing this whole “life” thing right.
Marriage is awesome, but there is a right time to be married and a wrong time to be married. For example: If you’re 19 and you just graduated high school, it is the wrong time to be married. But if you are 35 and experiencing the extremely early hormonal symptoms associated with menopause, you should be in Marriage Urgency Mode™. Somewhere in-between that time, there is a perfect age to get married. Let’s break it down.
Here are the best ages to be married, ranked.
12.) 17-19
Oh, God. She’s pregnant, isn’t she?
11.) 20-23
You really love your college girlfriend but she won’t put your pecker in her mouth until it is sanctioned by God? If your immediate reaction to that is: “OK, let’s do it. Let’s get married.” You’ve made a grave mistake.
10.) 35-plus
Still waiting on the right one? He/she either doesn’t exist or you’ve already met them. Time to do a quick run through of your phone contacts. Chances are, if you’re ever going to get married, you already have your spouse’s number.
9.) 24
Still too young. I know you feel like an adult now but you’re really not. If your parent’s are still paying for your cell phone bill, it’s not the right time.
8.) 32-34
Really pushing the limits with this one. I know you’re picky but at some point you just gotta choose, man.
7.) 25
OK, you’ve got some life experiences under your belt. If she’s the one and you’ve got a stable job, it’s OK to start thinking about marriage.
6.) 31
Your mom wants grandkids, and she isn’t getting any younger. Be nice to your mom and settle down. I know you think you’re still in your 20s but remember how recently you were 21? In that same amount of time, you’ll be 40.
5.) 30
30 is usually the right age to be having a child. If you still aren’t married, that’s fine. Hopefully you’ve got some prospects, though.
4.) 26
26 is the perfect time to get engaged. Still young enough to enjoy the benefits in life of being single, but old enough to have a solid grasp on reality. Getting married too young is disastrous, getting married young is not.
3.) 29
No problem with not being married at 29. Great year to do it, though. With that milestone of a birthday coming up, you better get ready for a barrage of questions from your family.
2.) 27
An ideal time to get married. 27 is a great age to walk down the aisle while your parents and grandparents can still enjoy your wedding. There isn’t much of a difference between this and No. 1 on this list, honestly. I’ll just give the knock to No. 1 because humans are living longer and in 30 years you’ll appreciate that extra year of not being married.
1.) 28
DING! DING! DING! You’ve hit it. The perfect age to get married. Now quick, go out and find a husband and plan your dream wedding. You only have a few more years before everything (including your body) goes to shit!
I hope you find this age ranking helpful. Bookmark it and show it to your friends who are thinking about popping the question. Next up, the best ages to get divorced!.
Image via Shutterstock
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massive wave of anxiety reading this
I got anxiety reading it from all the ages being out of order.
Did not need this today, or ever
I like where you’re going with this, but IMO far more important than age is “you should have a job and your own place and paid some bills on your own for a year or two.” Some dude on the 5 year plan in college and then 3 years in law school living on the padre’s dime is not more qualified to marry at 26 than a guy who graduated in three and has had his shit together.
I personally was engaged at 24 and married at 25 because my wife said to me “you think you’re getting a girl as hot as me again?”
She sounds like a keeper
She’s awesome.
Mrs. Incredible is a babe, so this checks out.
Also of note, first child wasn’t until 30. That’s key. 5 years of DINK awesomeness.
Or you could hold out on marriage and have fun/travel then wait for all your peers to get divorced after about 10 years or so and then clean house at the classy bars that all of the divorcees will be congregating at and then settle down so you don’t have to die alone or something like that.
I like where your head is at because this seems like my route whether I choose it or not…
Thanks man. Same here and I don’t even think I’m purposely trying to be like this either. I just see the horror shows around me from other married ppl and tell myself “Nope”.
28-31. Anything earlier just seems too young unless you’ve dated that person 4 years already. Next article should be best time to get divorced – #50%
Divorce parties PGPM
I almost married one guy at 25 then did marry at totally different guy at 27. I was two totally different bitches. Wow, crazy to think of the different directions life goes/could go.
As it’s looking more and more like I’ll be in the mid-30s group… Pass the bottle
Apparently it’s impossible to get married when you’re 32
I’m 28 and will be 29 in two weeks. Fuck off, man.
What if you and your S.O. aren’t the same age?
My fiance and I will be 27 and 24 when we get married. Making him the perfect age and me “too young”. though I did expect him to put off the proposal a year or too longer. he definitely had the element of surprise on his side. The good thing is that we should have a solid 4-6 years before kids are in the picture.
two*
wowww…….