Here’s How Much Money It Would Take For Americans To Do Morally Reprehensible Things

Here Is How Much Money It Would Take For Americans To Do Morally Reprehensible Things

A very wise man once said, “Every man has his price.” That man was The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase. Important words from a man that not only won King Of The Ring, but also had the balls to create his own championship belt. Who doesn’t remember the Million Dollar Championship?

Those words appear to be reality for many of us, as a new poll conducted by confirms what we probably already knew: We will do horrible things for money.

The survey asked 1,000 people whether they would participate in what most would consider less than ideal acts for large sums of money. The results were telling, and need to be broken down.

From NY Daily News:

The most startling stat showed that 6% of people — including a whopping 12% of men — said they would be willing to commit murder for $1 billion, while one in ten would be willing to commit arson, treason, armed robbery, mug someone with a weapon or even assist a suicide.

So six percent would murder, including twelve percent of men, for $1 billion? K?

Not shocking to anyone, actually. The obvious take here is to talk about how shocked we are that it’s that low–which would also be the correct take. I ran the numbers on this one, and if you’re a dude, at least two of your good friends are sociopaths, and one is just a straight up psychopath. Hell, it could be you. You may even do it for free. Guilt means nothing when you’re a member of The Three Comma Club.

For $1,000, 15% of people were willing to shoplift or bet on a fixed sporting event. For 13 of the 1,000 respondents, the price is enough to convince them to murder, but fewer were willing to poison a stray animal.

Shoplifting for a grand? A grand seems a bit low to risk having the “thief” stigma attached to you for the rest of your life. Remember noted thievin’ ass Winona Ryder? I know I barely did. I looked her up because I had no clue what she’s been doing the last decade. Turns out she was in Black Swan, but I only remember her stellar performance in Mr. Deeds. She completely fell off after the shoplifting thing. Totally not worth it.

Betting on a fixed sporting event? If it means I end up like Biff Tannen in Back to the Future II, count me in. I’m a huge hot tub guy.

One in five are willing to steal a street sign, shoplift or flash a stranger for $10,000, while one in ten are willing to lie under oath, steal a bike or knowingly spend counterfeit cash for the same price.

Okay, if you didn’t steal a street sign, shoplift, or flash a stranger in high school, then you didn’t live. Problem is, you’re an adult now, and the sex offender label is tough to shake. Could have long term consequences.

For $100,000, 25% of people to swipe a street sign, but it is also enough for one in five to forge a signature or steal from a restaurant or hotel. And for that same amount, one in ten say they would enter into a sham marriage, perform a sexual act on a stranger, evade taxes or snatch a purse.

Now it’s getting good. Morality really flies out the window when you’ve got Michael Scott down at the front of the class tossing out 100 grand bars. Forging signatures? You do this every weekend when you close your buddy’s tab because he couldn’t handle that car bomb and he ghosted.

And who would be above stealing from a hotel? Putting a mini-fridge inside a hotel room that dings you for even thinking about diving into it is immoral, and I fully expect Bernie Sanders to put an end to it. And I’m rolling out of there with that shower head if it’s Waterpik, money or no money.

For $100,000,000, a quarter of people would be willing to donate sperm or eggs without their partner’s knowledge, forge a signature, lie to police and steal a bike, while one in ten would kick a kitten or puppy, take performance enhancing drugs to win a sporting event or beat up a stranger.

They say once you kick a puppy, there’s no turning back. Out of everything in this survey, it’s probably the only thing I’d never be able to forgive myself for. As for stealing a bike, if it’s some asshole cyclist trying to one up everybody at the bar, I’ll ride off on that thing for free. And PEDs? I already take one daily. It’s called coffee, because business is a sport.

And for a cool million bucks, one in ten Americans would commit credit card fraud, punch a stranger in the face, smuggle drugs over the border or even star in an amateur porn video.

This is too easy. Credit card fraud? They’re robbing you with those interest rates. Punch a stranger in the face? It’ll make them stronger. Smuggle drugs over the border? Imaginary lines. Amateur porn video? It’s 2016, who hasn’t done at least one? I can do a lot of good with a million. The ends justify the means.

[via NY Daily News]

Image via YouTube

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Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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