My boss has AskJeeves as his homepage. PGP

Knowing which stalls have the best wifi.

Just realized today is my work anniversary, ruined my day. PGP

I don’t go to happy hour with my coworkers for fear of getting drunk and telling them how much I hate them

I know exactly how much I can drink on a weeknight and not be hungover at work the next day. I usually blow right past it around 9 p.m. PGP.

Frantically pressing the close door button in the elevator at the sound of approaching footsteps. PGP.

More like DRINK DE MAYO. AMIRIGHT?! (Just kidding, I’m at work and went to bed at 9:30 last night.) PGP