I use my bosses office as a fart room when she steps out. PGPM.

Someone viewing my profile on LinkedIn is more exciting than a match on Tinder. PGP.

Second day of orientation and one of my new coworkers is talking about professional wrestling. PGP.

“All I want for Mother’s Day is for you to find a nice girl.” PGP.

I’m getting transferred to the office in the burbs and it’s advised that I move there so I can more easily identify with the rest of the employees. PGPM

My friends asked me to go with them to the midnight screening of the new Captain America movie, told them it was too late. PGP.

XBox recognizes my achievements more than my company. PGP

At this point in time…

Applied for a job from my work computer yesterday. PGPM

“So I know we’ve been talking recently of you being promoted, but…”