90% of the emails I send start with “Sorry for the delay.” PGP.

Leaving your work laptop on your dining room table, but hiding your personal one, that way if somebody breaks in you have a decoy laptop. PGP.

Pooping in peace should be a basic human right. PGP.

When your annual raise doesn’t even keep up with the cost of inflation. PGP.

The only text I received today was from Papa John’s. PGP.

Almost got hit by a car walking to work today. Wish I had. PGP.

The thought that one day I may be responsible for raising children is an absolute fucking joke. PGP.

Completely inflating your job responsibilities to anyone who has no chance of finding out you’re a fake. PGP.

There’s nothing like pouring off-brand syrup on off-brand Eggo waffles to remind you that your college degree was abso-fucking-lutely worth it. PGP.