Bought a new bed in January. Still haven’t gotten laid in it. PGP.

“That morning I wasn’t worth a decent stroke of work.” -Nick Carraway. PGP.

Dilbert is the only person who understands me. PGP.

All my friends are assholes, but I have no idea where you find new ones. PGP.

My girlfriend gives me a four-hour drinking limit each time I go out. PGP.

“About to go to bed, text me tomorrow and we can catch up!” PGP.

Waiting for PGP to post new columns on Monday morning. PGP.

Last night, I had a dream I bought a Maserati. The entire dream I worried about my credit, car payments, and repair costs. I woke up in a cold sweat. PGP.

Brooks Brothers taste on a JoS. A. Bank budget. PGP.