Flo from Progressive is worth 5 million. PGP.

I was expecting a refund. I had to pay taxes. PGP.

Snow pisses me off. PGP.

Knowing a trained monkey could do your job, then realizing you are a trained monkey. PGP.

Strangers on LinkedIn are sending me happy birthday messages. PGP.

The days just blur together, like episodes of Seinfeld after an Ambien. PGP.

Messaged a girl on tinder telling her how pretty she was. She unmatched me. PGP.

No motivation to even make it look like I’m working today. PGP.

Your upbeat Friday vibes lasting about 20 minutes into the day before you remember how much this sucks. PGP.

Would anyone notice if I wasn’t in the office?