I have an entire desk drawer filled with ketchup, mustard, mayo, soy sauce, salt, pepper, and duck sauce packets. PGP.

Ate my bologna sandwich at my desk today with a sign taped to the back of my chair that said “Out to lunch.” PGP.

Having a laptop and the ability to work from home, but still expected to be in the office every day. PGP.

Acting like the water is really cold when I dump it on my head because I’m too broke to buy a bag of ice. PGP.

How many girls have swiped left on my profile by mistake? PGP.

I’m 27 years old, and I got carded for an R-rated movie last night. Not sure if I should be happy or upset. PGP.

Fantasizing about using your extension cord to choke out the bitch in finance that keeps requesting read receipts for every email. PGP.

I’m not too proud of the noise that just came out of my mouth because of the mouse that scurried by my desk. PGP.

I imagine some master alarm sounding in the IT room with flashing red lights every time I attempt to access a blocked site. PGP.

I just saw a bird crash into the window, break its neck, and fall to it’s death. Lucky bastard. PGP.