living the PGL of a accountant in the fast paced world of the Houston reinsurance scene. Proponent of the 4 day work week and day drinking during lunch breaks at the local Chili's. Weekdays you can find me living the cube life and gettin my sweet fluorescent light tan on and on the weekend you can catch me at the beach or at a local bar calling everyone hipsters who order Moscow mules.
Likes: beer, jeeps, scotch, emotionally unavailable women.
Dislikes:
Will deFries
Then you watch your kids slowly become the kind of people you hated back when you were in your mid to late 20’s because you instead of spending time with them and showing interest in their hobbies pawned them off to strangers in sports, arts, and studies and only made token appearances at said events to give the impression to the other parents that you care about your kids when you honestly just want to have a semblance of the freedom you had when all you had to do was worry about keeping yourself alive and how much of a chore that was but now youre in charge of a whole family unit. So as you lose your handles on your kids and they grow up to be dbags( they say “adorbs” and wear wool socks with birkenstocks) you start drinking more and more to dull the pain of failure and that your wife is sleeping with her tennis instructor but you dont say anything because your sleeping with your daughter’s cheerleading coach and the divorce would cost too much and leave a blemish on your seemingly perfect picture of the American Dream you managed to paint. Then while youre at your doctors for you yearly check up and get a new prescription for high blood pressure you doctor decides to run some extra tests, you shrug it off thinking hes probably just padding the bill. 2-4 weeks later you receive a call and turns out you have liver cancer. So now you come to terms with your mortality and all the ill decisions you’ve made that have finally started to kill your body but have since long ago killed your spirit.
Never saw the appeal of it. i played a bit in HS, mostly cause this hot girl also played, but i couldnt really ever see myself spending a day out in the heat (Texas) and enjoying it. For the time, heat, and money invested i’d rather go fishing with some bros.
I’m fine with tattoos as long as people dont try to think they’re original with a tattoo that obviously isnt. examples: feather with the birds flying off the tip, nautical stars, tribal tattoo and not actually being some kind of actual descendant thereof. harry potter tattoos, pokemon tattoos,
Or your apartment catches fire because you bought a slow cooker from a garage sale and it turned out to have faulty wiring. Now you return home after an exhausting 10 hours of grinding out excel files to a 3 alarm fire. A few months later after dealing with being homeless and losing most of your possessions and moving back in with your parents you are one day served in a lawsuit because the investigators determined you faulty slow cooker caused the fire due to your negligence….
Whataburger: She lets you have it anyway you want it especially after last call….double or triple meat shes a freak. Even if your not in the mood you’ll always eat that honey butter off her chicken biscuit.
eh just use your time with the kids go to school or preschool to get your education on and by the time they get into elementary school you’re rocking a phd doing some work on the side. plus if she ever leaves you you get half her stuff. Kick it with your kids, knockout some yard work. build that outdoor bbq/kitchen by the pool. secretly be lusted after by the other moms in the carpool. Atleast if youre a trophy husband everyone knows you slept your way to the top, which i’m cool with.
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Then you watch your kids slowly become the kind of people you hated back when you were in your mid to late 20’s because you instead of spending time with them and showing interest in their hobbies pawned them off to strangers in sports, arts, and studies and only made token appearances at said events to give the impression to the other parents that you care about your kids when you honestly just want to have a semblance of the freedom you had when all you had to do was worry about keeping yourself alive and how much of a chore that was but now youre in charge of a whole family unit. So as you lose your handles on your kids and they grow up to be dbags( they say “adorbs” and wear wool socks with birkenstocks) you start drinking more and more to dull the pain of failure and that your wife is sleeping with her tennis instructor but you dont say anything because your sleeping with your daughter’s cheerleading coach and the divorce would cost too much and leave a blemish on your seemingly perfect picture of the American Dream you managed to paint. Then while youre at your doctors for you yearly check up and get a new prescription for high blood pressure you doctor decides to run some extra tests, you shrug it off thinking hes probably just padding the bill. 2-4 weeks later you receive a call and turns out you have liver cancer. So now you come to terms with your mortality and all the ill decisions you’ve made that have finally started to kill your body but have since long ago killed your spirit.
Whataburger is never a wrong choice. Honey Butter Chicken biscuits(2) and a cinnamon roll brah….thats next level right there.
Never saw the appeal of it. i played a bit in HS, mostly cause this hot girl also played, but i couldnt really ever see myself spending a day out in the heat (Texas) and enjoying it. For the time, heat, and money invested i’d rather go fishing with some bros.
JD go tubing. Get one those tubes you can bungie a cooler onto strap it to your ankle and take it for a nice slow chill float
I’m fine with tattoos as long as people dont try to think they’re original with a tattoo that obviously isnt. examples: feather with the birds flying off the tip, nautical stars, tribal tattoo and not actually being some kind of actual descendant thereof. harry potter tattoos, pokemon tattoos,
do believe thats called the deFries package at the local Austin/Travis County dealerships
I’d go with the boat. kinda hard to have a shitty time on a boat plus when your chatting up your rebounds you can lowkey brag about having a boat.
Or your apartment catches fire because you bought a slow cooker from a garage sale and it turned out to have faulty wiring. Now you return home after an exhausting 10 hours of grinding out excel files to a 3 alarm fire. A few months later after dealing with being homeless and losing most of your possessions and moving back in with your parents you are one day served in a lawsuit because the investigators determined you faulty slow cooker caused the fire due to your negligence….
I like to splurge on pay days and buy store brand tuna helper just to get a taste of whats its like to live it up like the fat cats.
Albacore or regular tuna? Ones slightly more depressing than the other
Can of vienna sausages and uncle ben’s rice
The New American Dream
Sup?
Dont forget shes all about lubrication….that melted garlic butter tho
Whataburger: She lets you have it anyway you want it especially after last call….double or triple meat shes a freak. Even if your not in the mood you’ll always eat that honey butter off her chicken biscuit.
I’m just waiting for deFries to reveal that the protagonist or one of her friends is that girl from The Night of
This is why JD wont be including Best in his Chase series.
I thought you and devin had been ship’d already
eh just use your time with the kids go to school or preschool to get your education on and by the time they get into elementary school you’re rocking a phd doing some work on the side. plus if she ever leaves you you get half her stuff. Kick it with your kids, knockout some yard work. build that outdoor bbq/kitchen by the pool. secretly be lusted after by the other moms in the carpool. Atleast if youre a trophy husband everyone knows you slept your way to the top, which i’m cool with.
sup?