Looking out the office window to see if your boss’s car is gone before ducking out early.

Strongly considering eating romaine lettuce in the hopes that I get E. coli so I can have a couple of days off.

Worked from home and fell asleep during a conference call. No one noticed.

Coworker forgot to press mute on a conference call and the entire company heard her say, “Fuck this shit.”

I’ve used up most of my PTO going to job interviews.

Never using my standup desk so people can’t see I’m not working.

I’ve started greeting clients and partners with “How the hell are ya?” when I see them. I’m 24.