That conference call was so productive I found four jobs to apply for. PGP.

I just want someone to help me pay rent and also have sex with. PGP.

Completed a 26.2 episode marathon. Special thanks to Netflix for believing in me. PGP.

Netflix is my homepage. PGP.

Year-end raise hit my paycheck this week. All $3.81 of it. PGP.

Just realized I read and enjoyed an article ranking types of milk. PGP.

I didn’t make a single call all last week and no one even said anything. PGP.

Not adding anyone as a friend on the Fitbit app because I don’t want my friends to see how big of a lazy piece of shit I am. PGP.

Finally got moved to a cube by the window and a bird dropped a six inch streak of shit right in the middle of it. The window washers come once a year. PGP.

The head of my company’s diversity committee is an old white guy. PGP.