Honestly, my kill count in Call Of Duty is astounding and all I do is set the Perks to become lightweight and super agile and hen I just sprint around the maps and stab everyone with the knife. No need to use guns. I’m a closet pacifist by heart. I was the guy in the chat loading room that all the people would talk shit about and then report to Xbox Live to try and get me banned. You can find me as Wean Bean lol
Thanks, man. That really means a lot. Can you guys believe that I didn’t make it to the next round of interviews @TheOnion for a writing role? They slept on me especially with the way life is now
Boys, I bought myself a Patagonnn better sweater vest using the 20% off code and now I have a vested interest in staying in the tech industry and assimilating myself amongst the many dudes wearing vests. I can see it now, I’m just gonna walk into technical meetings and sit at the head of the table and lean back while crossing my leg over the other one so it looks like I’m an MIT linguistics professor and calmly tapping my hands together while I say “product roadmapping, Agile, and lifetime value” outloud until I’m a self centered billionaire
That dude doesn’t have a porn problem, he has a vagina problem and vaginas are the most sought after commodity in human history. It’s the best motivator in society. Empires were built chasing vaginas around. Everyone’s buying, even other people with vaginas. Listen, if a dude wants to crank his little purple-headed yogurt slinger when there’s no vaginas around to hug it, then that’s a dude that’s not fucking up society for the rest of us unless he’s doing it on a subway or some shit, then that would just be a regular homeless dude encounter in NYC. If the sex feels good for you, who cares about a rogue finger in the ass while doing it doggy style in front of a mirror in your living room? Sex is literally the only free fun thing left to do with someone you like so just go with it. It sounds like your bf has some other shit going on but the porn thing is improving his “night moves”…Bob Seger wrote that song by the way and he still gets to kiss lips everywhere he goes and he’s old…and I’m not talking about the face kind
So you wouldn’t like it if a dude hired a little kid to come tug on your shirt and say “I’m looking for a Mom, I already have a Dad so you guys should get together”….just throwing that out there, you can say no, it’s cool
Let’s start The Cardigan Cartel where we just go around offering protection to polluters and attack recyclers, people who drive Tesla’s and Prius’, and alternative energy companies. We can be sponsored by DOW Chemical and the Meat industry and then we ride around on sitdown lawnmowers with machine guns that aren’t to EPA fuel emissions standards
Hell yeah bring on the Palmettos and beach scenes in Nebraska or Antarctica (where the Nazi scientists and aliens are). One thing none of these scientists or politicians or media outlets ever talk about is overpopulation. It’s literally the only cause of all of our planet’s problems. We need less people, not more. Slice up your meager sex lives and get into buttsex because it’s “green” and eco friendly. Read the scripts on the Georgia Guidstones and then depict what you read in the Visuals of the Denver Airport Murals. It’s chaos and we’re just hitting the beginning so get out there and be somebody and whatever!
Yeah everyone just sit down, relax, have another cup of coffee mixed with Adderal, and just chill the fuck out. Alright? There’s literally nothing to be excited about nowadays. If you’re a happy person, you’re mentally ill and are just “happy to be here”, I wish I could be like you but I have to actually look into shit. Start getting excited about bowls of rice and watered down oats as the software brains take over. Machines won’t take over you idiots, it costs to much to manufacture hardware since the resources supply is finite and nearly expelled hahahah
Lol it’s a sin just to be born so maybe they should rethink that whole pro life stance. Also, marriage is a binding contract that stifles the life out of your private parts to again, maybe they should rethink that whole pro life thing from an outside perspective or hire a better marketing agency to rebrand their shit. I know everything and absolutely nothing at the same time, guys
Or they need to write more socially relevant scripts like: “women meets man out front of Whole Foods, women says ill do [sex stuff] to you so I can afford food for my kids who are enrolled in Montessori school while my husband is out working his 4th out of 5th job just to keep our heads above water” lol
Khaki shorts/pants and polo shirt guys gotta go. Everyone is starting to blend into 1 single person at the bars. No more than 3 of these guys per bar. The population of these guys is exploding and is impacting the urban drinking ecosystem and probably destroying the coral reefs. They need to be culled back to a healthy number. Or just wear something else that doesn’t make JR seem like you got dressed by your mothers
Drizzle balsamic on everything and pepper in the word “reduction” glaze and pretty soon you’ll have a cook book out and an opportunity to open a bespoke small plates cafe in New Orleans before the ocean swallows it whole
Yeah I’m with JR on this. People are generally awful sacks of fecal matter with mouths so it’s okay to be Pro-Choice on office adults once you’ve met enough adult office people and gathered the data to make well informed decisions about your stance on people lol
Ladies, dating younger guys is cool until you get older. Shoot for the long game. Instead of trolling for young dick now, focus on the sweet life insurance pay out later if you go for an older guy. Money is the only thing that matters in this world, goodlooks and love don’t pay for yachts and trips to Canes. Why do you think those fat ugly slobs of dudes have pretty women under their arms? Also, guys have been cutting their like-aged partners for the young fox since the beginning of time so you going for an older guy ensures that payout even more. Be a gold digger, gold is up in the market invest in yourselves! Stay sexy ladies because if you don’t, well, you’re just gonna have to shut up and go to work like everyone else in this stupid feudalist system we call a society lol. I love you and whatnot
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Honestly, my kill count in Call Of Duty is astounding and all I do is set the Perks to become lightweight and super agile and hen I just sprint around the maps and stab everyone with the knife. No need to use guns. I’m a closet pacifist by heart. I was the guy in the chat loading room that all the people would talk shit about and then report to Xbox Live to try and get me banned. You can find me as Wean Bean lol
Thanks, man. That really means a lot. Can you guys believe that I didn’t make it to the next round of interviews @TheOnion for a writing role? They slept on me especially with the way life is now
Boys, I bought myself a Patagonnn better sweater vest using the 20% off code and now I have a vested interest in staying in the tech industry and assimilating myself amongst the many dudes wearing vests. I can see it now, I’m just gonna walk into technical meetings and sit at the head of the table and lean back while crossing my leg over the other one so it looks like I’m an MIT linguistics professor and calmly tapping my hands together while I say “product roadmapping, Agile, and lifetime value” outloud until I’m a self centered billionaire
That dude doesn’t have a porn problem, he has a vagina problem and vaginas are the most sought after commodity in human history. It’s the best motivator in society. Empires were built chasing vaginas around. Everyone’s buying, even other people with vaginas. Listen, if a dude wants to crank his little purple-headed yogurt slinger when there’s no vaginas around to hug it, then that’s a dude that’s not fucking up society for the rest of us unless he’s doing it on a subway or some shit, then that would just be a regular homeless dude encounter in NYC. If the sex feels good for you, who cares about a rogue finger in the ass while doing it doggy style in front of a mirror in your living room? Sex is literally the only free fun thing left to do with someone you like so just go with it. It sounds like your bf has some other shit going on but the porn thing is improving his “night moves”…Bob Seger wrote that song by the way and he still gets to kiss lips everywhere he goes and he’s old…and I’m not talking about the face kind
So you wouldn’t like it if a dude hired a little kid to come tug on your shirt and say “I’m looking for a Mom, I already have a Dad so you guys should get together”….just throwing that out there, you can say no, it’s cool
Let’s start The Cardigan Cartel where we just go around offering protection to polluters and attack recyclers, people who drive Tesla’s and Prius’, and alternative energy companies. We can be sponsored by DOW Chemical and the Meat industry and then we ride around on sitdown lawnmowers with machine guns that aren’t to EPA fuel emissions standards
Hell yeah bring on the Palmettos and beach scenes in Nebraska or Antarctica (where the Nazi scientists and aliens are). One thing none of these scientists or politicians or media outlets ever talk about is overpopulation. It’s literally the only cause of all of our planet’s problems. We need less people, not more. Slice up your meager sex lives and get into buttsex because it’s “green” and eco friendly. Read the scripts on the Georgia Guidstones and then depict what you read in the Visuals of the Denver Airport Murals. It’s chaos and we’re just hitting the beginning so get out there and be somebody and whatever!
Yeah everyone just sit down, relax, have another cup of coffee mixed with Adderal, and just chill the fuck out. Alright? There’s literally nothing to be excited about nowadays. If you’re a happy person, you’re mentally ill and are just “happy to be here”, I wish I could be like you but I have to actually look into shit. Start getting excited about bowls of rice and watered down oats as the software brains take over. Machines won’t take over you idiots, it costs to much to manufacture hardware since the resources supply is finite and nearly expelled hahahah
Lol it’s a sin just to be born so maybe they should rethink that whole pro life stance. Also, marriage is a binding contract that stifles the life out of your private parts to again, maybe they should rethink that whole pro life thing from an outside perspective or hire a better marketing agency to rebrand their shit. I know everything and absolutely nothing at the same time, guys
I had some air sautéed ice cubes in a cup, drizzled in Russian water glaze….4X
This guy gets it.
Or they need to write more socially relevant scripts like: “women meets man out front of Whole Foods, women says ill do [sex stuff] to you so I can afford food for my kids who are enrolled in Montessori school while my husband is out working his 4th out of 5th job just to keep our heads above water” lol
Oh, did someone say drugs? I love those things
If you had listened to me a month ago when I said to look into investing in CPST, you would have reaped +70% in gains today
Made from real chameleon leather
Doesn’t make it seem* sorry JR lol
Khaki shorts/pants and polo shirt guys gotta go. Everyone is starting to blend into 1 single person at the bars. No more than 3 of these guys per bar. The population of these guys is exploding and is impacting the urban drinking ecosystem and probably destroying the coral reefs. They need to be culled back to a healthy number. Or just wear something else that doesn’t make JR seem like you got dressed by your mothers
Drizzle balsamic on everything and pepper in the word “reduction” glaze and pretty soon you’ll have a cook book out and an opportunity to open a bespoke small plates cafe in New Orleans before the ocean swallows it whole
Yeah I’m with JR on this. People are generally awful sacks of fecal matter with mouths so it’s okay to be Pro-Choice on office adults once you’ve met enough adult office people and gathered the data to make well informed decisions about your stance on people lol
Ladies, dating younger guys is cool until you get older. Shoot for the long game. Instead of trolling for young dick now, focus on the sweet life insurance pay out later if you go for an older guy. Money is the only thing that matters in this world, goodlooks and love don’t pay for yachts and trips to Canes. Why do you think those fat ugly slobs of dudes have pretty women under their arms? Also, guys have been cutting their like-aged partners for the young fox since the beginning of time so you going for an older guy ensures that payout even more. Be a gold digger, gold is up in the market invest in yourselves! Stay sexy ladies because if you don’t, well, you’re just gonna have to shut up and go to work like everyone else in this stupid feudalist system we call a society lol. I love you and whatnot
I was outside when I typed this. See all the typos. See what happens when you go outside?