New guy sends commanding emails in Comic Sans. I can’t bring myself to respond. PGP.

Googling “how to get a job offer back after declining it?” PGP.

Almost died from choking on French Fries last night. PGP.

My closet office wife and I broke up, and people have started asking us, “Why aren’t you hanging out with/talking to each other anymore?” PGP.

“Did you ever leave last night?” PGP.

“Where’s your green?” PGP.

Bought a large bag of wings for $10 and had them for dinner everyday this week. PGP.

The frustration when your phone doesn’t recognize your fingerprint, so you have to personally type in your passcode. PGP.

Double fisting coffee first thing in the morning. PGP.

Trekked to the office in this blizzard for an important client meeting that “can’t be missed” only to find out the client cancelled without notifying anyone but the boss. Boss forgot to email the team to not come in. PGP.