Tried to haze the pledges at homecoming. Corporate life has made me soft. PGP.

There are two types of people in my office: people with hobbies and people with kids. I have neither. PGP.

My aspiration is to be Clark Griswold. PGP.

The fuck is a Shmoney Dance? PGP.

Wishing I lived in the ’70s so my chest hair and pattern balding would be more socially acceptable. PGP.

The least productive part of my day is when I’m at work. PGP.

The feeling of sheer joy when someone cancels plans. PGP.

Strategically hydrating all day for your four beers at happy hour and still waking up the next day with a pounding ache. PGP

Realizing you may have peaked in college.