“Lower your expectations and you won’t be disappointed” is the office’s slogan. PGP.

“Moving forward, I will be sure that I take all necessary steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again.” PGP

I now watch games at home because bars are too loud.

“You were such a loyal supporter of the fraternity as an undergrad, would you consider making a recurring donation now that you’re an alumni?”

I don’t go to happy hour with my coworkers for fear of getting drunk and telling them how much I hate them