Spending the rest of your day after lunch attempting to orchestrate a fantasy football trade. PGP.

My best friend just bought a house. I just bought a Cheesy Gordita Crunch with change. PGP.

It’s almost “drive to work in the dark, drive home in the dark” season. PGP.

Until recently, I thought Ariana Grande was a font in Microsoft Office. PGP.

Getting yelled at by your boss because you have been making the intern water the fake plants for the last three months. PGP.

Yesterday was my boss’s birthday and we ate at a Brazilian steakhouse on the company card. Today was my birthday and I ate a Wendy’s baconator alone in my car. PGP.

Any time someone emails me with a question, it takes every ounce of my will power not to answer, “I have no fucking idea, dude.” PGP.

The countdown to happy hour started at the end of last night’s happy hour. PGP.

Getting a call for an interview, but having no clue what it’s for because you’ve applied to so many jobs. PGP.

Just learned I have to carry a separate business iPhone, making me look like the biggest douche of all-time. PGP.