I don’t get wedding invites anymore because all my friends are already married. PGP
Obnoxious business word of the day: Leverage. PGP
“Did you watch the riots last night?” PGP
I haven’t been this sober on my birthday since high school. PGP
I still make out in bars.PGP
“So, you still haven’t found a girlfriend?” PGP
Having nightmares about not being on mute. PGP
The girl who sits next to me just farted…really loud. PGP
That’s how you do it.
My friend just had a kid, and now he sucks. PGP
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