Got a promotion today. Didn’t get a raise. PGP

Grotesquely over exaggerating your job title to the waitress at The United Airlines Club when she asks what you do for a living. PGP

It’s my last day at work. I’m showing up two hours late just to clean out my desk and wave goodbye.

Took vacation on my birthday next week to avoid my coworkers, they found out and are making me celebrate today. PGP.

My pre-game level of drinking from college can get me hammered now. PGP.

I can’t handle following Miley Cyrus on Instgram.

Showing an “old dog new tricks”. PGP.

“We’re going to start making some changes here in the office…”