I get paid $25/hr. I still go halves on a $10 bottle of vodka. PGP.

I feel like a western gunslinger whenever I alt-tab as my boss walks by. PGP

The interns were my ghost writers.. PGP

If anyone actually saw how I eat alone in my cubicle, they would be disgusted. #PGP.

Just got an outlook invite for an ice cream and cake party to celebrate my last day of work. Fuck. PGP

I’m basically the Jim Halpert of the office, and I just got yelled at for it.

Experienced a minor victory this morning when due to my savage hangover, vomited in the shower, but aimed for and hit the drain perfectly.

And just like that, all the hot interns are back at school

Made my lunch. Left it at home. PGP.

“You guys hear about Jared?”