The best part of my recent birthday was my insurance agent calling to tell me my premium went down. PGP.

Actually being the stalled vehicle on the side of the road you always hear on rush hour traffic reports. PGP.

The first word out of my mouth every day is “fuuuuuuck.” PGP.

1: “Who in the fuck brewed decaf?” 2: “Some virgin.” PGP.

So. Many. Weddings. PGP.

My friends are getting engaged and buying homes. I still sleep in an extra-long twin bed. PGP.

I’m not driving the struggle bus. I’m not even riding the struggle bus. I just got run the fuck over by the struggle bus. PGP.