If Monday had a face, I would punch it repeatedly. PGP.

I now consider 3 Tinder matches in a row a “hot streak.” PGP.

Relating more to Ferris Bueller’s dad than Ferris. PGP.

Sure working at Initech was soul-crushing, and Lumbergh was a douche, but at least they got Hawaiian shirt Fridays. PGP.

Referring to the remaining hair on your head as “The Power Doughnut.” PGP.

BACK SEAT, WINDOWS UP…is how I arrive at work in my carpool. PGP.