Got locked out of my mobile banking app. Even it knows I shouldn’t be looking at it for a while.

Moving your booze from the top of the fridge to an expensive cart so it instantly becomes decorative.

That satisfaction of unclipping your ID badge at the end of the day.

Every time I hear the receptionist say “one moment, I’ll transfer you” I have a panic attack that my phone might be the one that’s about to ring.

Supervisor saying, “We are going to increase your duties around here because we see potential.” Really means, “I am not sure I want to do this any more, and I make more than you. Have fun.”

I’d rather my employer give us good toilet paper than a retirement plan.

Matched with my insurance adjuster on Tinder.

Waiting that extra minute in the stall so you don’t have to have an awkward washing your hands conversation with a coworker.

Happy hour ends at 7:00. Office hours don’t.