“I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.”
One fine evening when I was 16 I got blackout drunk on Smirnoff Ice and shots of Wild Turkey. After sharing a joint with my 18 year old boyfriend, we decided the time was right. We did it for about two minutes on the pool table in his parents’ basement then passed the fuck out. 3/10
I’ve had worse in the past year. I blame tinder.
I took the train from Kansas City to St. Louis a few months ago. Nothing beats big ass comfy seats, two outlets, and avoiding driving on that hellish stretch of I-70.
Also, the train is called the Missouri River Runner, so that’s kind of badass.
Since I broke my foot earlier this summer I’ve been lounging around in 6 year old men’s Gap sweats, neon tanks, and Ugg slippers just about everyday. It’s been glorious.
My “let’s get blackout drunk well before 5pm” sunglasses are a pair of blue wayfarers.
My everyday sunglasses are a pair of blue wayfarers.
Wait…
This is my fourth comment.
Beer Kitchen’s pretty great, but my favorite in KC is Louie’s Wine Dive.
I mean, who doesn’t love bottomless mimosas and an omelette stuffed with bacon mac & cheese when you’re too hungover to take off your sunglasses and make direct eye contact with anyone because you’re positive they’ll see last night’s shame through your smudged mascara and bloodshot eyes?
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“I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.”
Saying things like this, “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”
Oh, hey. I like your dad jeans.
You’ve just described my dream man.
I hope David Wallace armed his kid with a “Suck It” so he can fight those hybrid dinosaurs.
Hey Knox, what’d the buffalo say to his son before he left for college?
Bison.
A high five after a first date dinner means welcome to the friend zone, right?
I wish all the threats from Topanga’s Realistic Threats Women Wish Upon Each Other upon this girl.
Probably.
I get the “I’m a lawyer” schpeel at least a few times a week at work. Great to see someone retaliate so perfectly.
Also…
(Go Royals!)
One fine evening when I was 16 I got blackout drunk on Smirnoff Ice and shots of Wild Turkey. After sharing a joint with my 18 year old boyfriend, we decided the time was right. We did it for about two minutes on the pool table in his parents’ basement then passed the fuck out. 3/10
I’ve had worse in the past year. I blame tinder.
I took the train from Kansas City to St. Louis a few months ago. Nothing beats big ass comfy seats, two outlets, and avoiding driving on that hellish stretch of I-70.
Also, the train is called the Missouri River Runner, so that’s kind of badass.
Hey Knox, want to come to Kansas City? We can knock out #2, #6, and #23.
“Did you just eat an entire jar of peanut butter? With a spoon?”
Yes, yes I did.
Since I broke my foot earlier this summer I’ve been lounging around in 6 year old men’s Gap sweats, neon tanks, and Ugg slippers just about everyday. It’s been glorious.
I’d do it for the boot koozie.
My “let’s get blackout drunk well before 5pm” sunglasses are a pair of blue wayfarers.
My everyday sunglasses are a pair of blue wayfarers.
Wait…
This is my fourth comment.
Beer Kitchen’s pretty great, but my favorite in KC is Louie’s Wine Dive.
I mean, who doesn’t love bottomless mimosas and an omelette stuffed with bacon mac & cheese when you’re too hungover to take off your sunglasses and make direct eye contact with anyone because you’re positive they’ll see last night’s shame through your smudged mascara and bloodshot eyes?
God Bless The South.
#3 happened to me a few days ago. I promptly deleted tinder the next morning .