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This isn’t your standard, “I need someone to break in my sandals” tale, and we’ve seen plenty of those, haven’t we? This guy wants someone to go the extra mile for him, but you can’t be any geek off the street. You gotta be handy with the leather if you know what I mean, earn your likely modest compensation.
This guy is looking for someone who will put their heart and soul into this Rainbow sandal break-in, someone who, while rocking his new flops, will wear his actual clothes, walk how he walks, go where he goes. And don’t you fucking dare take his ‘bows to Brooklyn where the “poor people” hang out.
Here is the entire job description, via Craigslist:
Cool bro needed to break in a pair of Rainbows (TriBeCa)
Looking to hire a brah to break in my new Rainbow flops. I don’t have time to do it and I need them broken in like yesterday cause my feet are totally soft from rockin’ my Tod’s driving mocs all winter. This isn’t just your normal everyday flip flop break-in job, I need you to imitate my whole deal so they’re like proper.
First off my gate, you’ve gotta walk like me to get these puppies to fit me right, think McConaughey meets the guy you wish you were who walks out of Citi Bank HQ on a casual Friday, picture a Patagonia fleece vest with a Brooks Bros. non-iron.
Second, you need to go places where I’ll wear ’em to get them used to the terrain. Tribeca Tap House, the Brandy Library, Tiny’s, the Frying Pan, and the Boat Basin. Don’t FUCKING bring these things to Brooklyn, I know you think the roof of Berry Park in Williams-balls is the boner, but it’s just for poor people who can’t afford 230 Fifth.
Outfit provided and pictured below, includes boot koozie in case you need something to help you jam harder to Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show. If you don’t know what that is then stay in Hoboken and keep watching MMA.
Send references of other footwear you’ve broken in, if you mention a Ralph Lauren shoe of any kind, especially Polo Sport I’ll know you went to SUNY or CUNY and you won’t be considered.
My old ‘bows are pictured here, they need to look like this by Belmont. Payment negotiable, but you need to be able to accept a credit card cause I want Starwood points for my Amex. Out.