I’ve had more PGPs posted this month than I have sales. I’d say my priorities are straight. PGP.

My girlfriend and I just moved in together and now she farts in front of me. PGP.

Got locked into another year contract of shitty cable because I forgot to cancel my service. PGP.

My friends are all getting engaged. I’m still puking on street corners. PGP.

Management has been asking for people to volunteer to take days off to save money on payroll. I volunteered tomorrow so I can go to a job interview. PGPM.

Dumping a girl due to her obscene student loan debt. PGP.

The only productive thing I’ve done today is download iOS 8. PGP.

Just bought my first car! It’s 6 years old. PGP.

My office nemesis nominated me for the ALS ice bucket challenge. PGP.

Got up early to beat everyone to work only to realize I forgot my office key. PGP.