I only see friends at weddings or bachelor parties.

Wedding I went to ended up being a cash bar.

Calling shotgun on your way to lunch with co-workers.

I got my tax refund. I’M RICH, BITCH!

Only ordering sodas at lunch when it’s on the company dime.

I shave minutes before going out so I can look as young as possible.

Just met my girlfriend’s kids. They’re pretty cool.

I’ve started going to more expensive bars because I can’t afford to get as drunk.

Mint.com considered my $40 dinner a “large transaction”.

Sent from my iPhone.