Keeping your facial hair after No Shave November because it conceals your growing double chin.

Ending nearly half of all office communicator conversations with “and next time you can probably just Google this.”

Supervisor saying, “We are going to increase your duties around here because we see potential.” Really means, “I am not sure I want to do this any more, and I make more than you. Have fun.”

My company just implemented a new system to crack down on all non-work related web browsing.

Just found out a coworker snitched on me for leaving 10 minutes early.

Drank too much Friday night. Still hungover Monday morning.

Excited to get my wisdom teeth out because I’ll get a 3-day weekend and lose weight.

“That’s not part of my job description.”

I’d rather my employer give us good toilet paper than a retirement plan.