======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
“He’s clueless, Caroline,” she said while gazing at the menu posted on the wall in front of them. “Clueless. I just do. not. get. him. sometimes.”
They both stood with their arms crossed wondering what to order from Ahi Ahi, a highly-reviewed new restaurant that opened near Caroline’s townhouse. Adorned in long sleeve t-shirts and identical leggings, the two thought that trying it out would be the perfect way to spend a Wednesday night while their counterparts were busy with meetings and work happy hours.
“I totally get it,” Caroline explained with her eyes also fixated on the menu attempting to decipher what everything was. “John took for-ev-er to realize that he needed to propose to me. But like, just being serious here – did you really want to get engaged so close to Valentine’s Day?”
They both laughed and startled some of the other restaurant-goers waiting in line.
“Ugh, phenom point,” she said. “It would be so embarrassing to be lumped into those basics getting engaged on some made-up holiday.”
They both peered down to their phones, shielding them from one another.
Without looking up from her phone, she remarked to Caroline, “TBH, my expectations might be a little high considering, like, my first ever poke bowl was when we were in Oahu.”
“Okay,” Caroline hesitated. “Like, I didn’t want to come off as bitchy when you said we should go here, but like, samesies. The tuna in Hawaii is just, like, so fresh.”
Their eyes diverted back to their phones, still trying to avoid letting the other see what they were doing.
“So, like, what are you going to get?” Caroline asked.
“Ugh, I don’t know, it all sounds so good,” she claimed while typing words into her browser’s search bar. She first typed “Masago,” a word she had not heard before (nor knew how to pronounce). She pulled up Google Images to see if anything looked familiar.
“Oh, I know what that is,” she thought to herself.
“I think I’m going to get it traditional Hawaiian style without rice,” she explained. “Because, you know… #carbs.”
Caroline laughed and confirmed that she was going to do the same. Caroline’s fingers were also typing into her phone’s search bar attempting to figure out what “Sambal” is, only to realize that it was a hot sauce made from chili peppers.
As they took steps forward and were just one group away from their time to order, she continued gazing at the menu before saying, “I think I’m going to go with seaweed, jalapeños, ginger, carrots, avo, and extra Masago.”
Caroline hesitated before breaking and asking, “Wait, am I, like, so dumb for not knowing what Masago is?” Her initial reaction was to Google it, but she knew embarrassment would only ensue should she be caught or not complete her search in time to order.
With full confidence, she looked to Caroline and began explaining, “You know those fish egg-y looking things on top of the sushi they serve at Ginger? It’s, like, those thingys.”
Caroline nodded in agreement before stating her order. “Yum, that sounds delish – I think I’m going to go with pretty much the same thing, but instead of jalapeños, I’m going to do some Sambal.”
“Fuck,” she thought with her arms crossed while Caroline labored over whether or not to order a soda water or a cucumber water. “What the hell is fucking Sambal?”
Defeated, she paused and asked, “Sambal?” while hoping she pronounced it right. Caroline, with a smug look on her face, clarified, “Oh, it’s so yumskis – it’s like Sriracha but way better.”
With it now being their time to order, they both approached the register where a long-haired man with jeans and flip-flops on welcomed them to Ahi Ahi. They both ordered with full confidence despite the anxiety that was washing over them while they waited in line. Caroline ended up going with a cucumber water, which was “so typical.”
As they sat down with their table numbers waiting for their food, she decided it would be an opportune moment to pick Caroline’s brain further regarding the conversation that started before they ordered.
“So, like, not to beat a dead horse, but I just don’t get it.”
Caroline, without having to ask for clarification, knew exactly what (or who, rather) she was referring to.
“I’ve told you before and I’m going to tell you again,” Caroline started. “Boys don’t know what they want unless you tell them.”
She rolled her eyes while Caroline continued.
“You think I never left my Pinterest board up on his iPad? You think I never accidentally scrolled engagement ring Insta accounts when we were watching TV in bed together? I did everything short of actually proposing to him, which it sounds like you’re going to have to do with Todd if he doesn’t get his shit together.”
A food runner set their bowls down in front of them.
“Yummmmmmm,” they both lauded before changing topics again.
“Sooooooooo,” she led on, “Not to sound super Todd-ish but, like, what the hell do I do?”
Caroline picked up a single piece of tuna with her chopsticks before saying, “I think you have a blunt conversation about your future with him.” She then placed the tuna in her mouth and chewed it slightly before swallowing.
“OMG, this. is. bomb.” .
Image via Instagram