Things Girls Do After Graduation: Apple Store

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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Apple Store

“The annoying thing is, I barely even dropped it,” she explained to Caroline with her phone to her ear while standing in the Apple Store waiting for her turn, still not understanding why she had to make an appointment ahead of time. “And now I have to sit here with all these old people and *whispers* poors in the middle of this stupid mall.”

She wasn’t necessarily hungover, but she incurred the fee for skipping her spin class that morning because sitting in bed felt better than, well, getting out of bed. What began with a Junior League meeting in the afternoon ended with a group of girls drinking wine at a bar called Cava that was quickly becoming a staple for the city’s affluent millennial crowd.

“…like, I’d just move on and keep using it this way like I have for my entire life but shards of glass are literally falling out and cutting my fingers when I text.”

It was not how she wanted to start her weekend, especially given everything she had to move back in order to get the phone fixed – a man/pedi, walking Sperry in the park, and lunch with Katie that couldn’t be moved due to “date night” with Todd.

“…okay, I have to go, I think I just got a text saying it’s my turn to meet with these so-called ‘geniuses.'”

She had to wait for Caroline to hang up first for fear of getting glass in her fingers. As Sam, the Apple employee, approached her, he extended his hand and introduced himself.

“Hi, Sam,” she said calmly (almost too calmly). “Sooo, I’ve been waiting here for about thirty minutes,” she began.

“We’re so sorry about that,” he apologized. “We always urge our customers to make appointments, but we realize that sometimes life gets in the way.”

She hesitated, wondering why he had just interrupted her before continuing. “So, obvs I shattered my screen.”

“Oh, I can see that,” he confirmed while looking at her iPhone 7 Plus. “I think we can help you there.”

She handed the phone over to him only to realize that she didn’t know what to do with her free hands. She placed one on the table in front of her and the other behind her neck which hurt from sleeping funny the night before. Sam began reading the back of her phone for the serial number before notifying her that 1. her phone was not covered under insurance and 2. since she had already had two screen repairs on this phone, her warranty’s options for repair or replacement were limited.

“So, like, what are you telling me, Sam?” she asked.

“Well,” Sam stuttered, “Since you’re no longer covered under the insurance, you have a couple options. You can pay for the repair in full or you can purchase a new device.”

There was a deafening silence.

“Sam, I’ve been a customer since the original iPhone came out,” she explained. “Is there really nothing else that can be done?”

“I’m sorry,” he lamented. “My hands are truly tied.”

She grabbed the phone from his hand and attempted to see just how badly it was broken. In her mind, thoughts raced about how this would get paid for. She didn’t want to pay out of pocket for repairs or a new device, but she knew she couldn’t go on with her phone shattered to this extent.

After a minute of further silence, she asked, “So, like, which option is cheaper?”

“I’d recommend you simply repair the device since the 256 GB Rose Gold Plus retails for $969 without a plan, but it’s truly up to you.”

She again hesitated, this time becoming upset while coming to terms with the fact that she was going to have to pay a large sum of money for, as she said, “barely dropping it.”

“Do you, like, intentionally make these screens shatter just so you can profit off people like me?” she asked out of the blue.

Sam assured her that they did not, in fact, produce phones that would intentionally break but sarcastically noted that he’d speak to those in charge.

“Are you… patronizing me?” she inquired.

Quickly realizing that he was dealing with someone who had shattered her iPhone during a night that probably left her with a hangover, he quickly backtracked and apologized for coming off as being rude. He reassured her that they could take care of this quickly.

“TBH, Sam, I just want to get out of here as quickly as humanly possible,” she continued. “I don’t appreciate the way that I’ve been treated, how long I’ve had to wait, and the level of customer service that a long-time customer such as myself has received.”

Sam, bewildered by what he had just heard, asked for her phone before taking it and turning toward the back of the store where he’d have to bring it for repair. As he turned around, he locked eyes with another Genius and mouthed “what the fuck” before disappearing into the back where he’d hand over the phone.

When he approached her moments after to discuss payment methods, she had an American Express Business Platinum card out that she handed over before hearing the total. This was the longest she’d gone without a phone in her hands in months, therefore boredom overcame her while waiting for Sam to process her payment.

“Okay, Sam, be real with me,” she requested. “How long is this entire charade going to take?”

His eyes looked to the sky trying to come up with what she would deem the correct answer, but he feared giving her an actual timeframe. “If you just want to walk around and check out a couple of stores, it should be fixed in no time at all.”

“I’m going to go to have lunch at Nordie Bistro,” she told him. “So I’ll be in after that to pick it up.”

As she walked out of the Apple Store, her frustration boiled over while she considered the rest of her day ruined. In an effort to cancel her dinner plans with Todd, she reached into her purse for her phone to text him only to realize that it wasn’t actually there.

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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