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There are a few different unbearable types of couples most of us experience in our lives. The couple that’s chronically fighting and should really break up, but they’ve been together too long and gotten too fat so they’re scared to end it. The couple that is so PDA-obsessed that they usually reach third base while you’re all still at dinner. Then, there’s the couple so bad, so cringeworthy, so unfortunate that you hope they either die or get relocated for their dream jobs so you never have to see them again.
I’m referring, of course, to the couple that always matches.
Now, before everyone gets all hot and anxious, let me state that yes, there are the occasional times when it is okay to match your SO. Four times, to be exact.
Halloween Or A Costume Party
Halloween or some other type of themed party is the first, obvious exception to the no matching rule. Considering how many great duos there are to represent, it would be a shame to waste your relationship status by not dressing up as a slutty Hermione and Ron or a last-minute Angela and Dwight. Using your partner for Instagram likes is a tale as old as time, but when you’re wearing something unique and dressed up as anyone other than yourselves, people are less likely to want to unfollow you for it.
On your big day, you can go all out and dress however the hell you want. Naturally, the groom will most likely wear a tie that’s one of the colors the bride almost ripped her hair out deciding, and the bride will wear white, even though we all know that ship sailed freshman year of college. Still, if you want to both wear bright red, or matching hazmat suits, or dress up as fucking Game of Thrones characters, no one has any right to be annoyed, only to make fun of you behind your back when they’re plastered off of your open bar.
Someone Else’s Wedding Or Some Other Formal Event
Now, some couples like to make sure everyone knows they’re together for every formal event just by the clothes they’re wearing. In case one of them gets separated or talks to a stranger or takes a picture with someone else, everyone will still know that he/she is your property. If you get him a tie that’s the same color as your just-a-little-too-flashy dress, no one is going to berate you. Sure, it’s better to coordinate in a situation like that (match a tangerine dress with a peach pin-dot tie), but no one is going to talk shit if you just match the color of her dress with the color of his shirt or tie. It’s an easy default, and no one will remember after the shots start anyway. She’ll get 200+ likes on IG and he’ll have a hangover that will make the $1000 in airfare and board worth it.
A Sporting Event
I mean, there are only so many colors you can choose from when rooting for a team. It would be pretty hard *not* to match, if we’re being honest.
So, if you’re matching your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/fiance/partner for any other reason, I have to tell you: You’re wrong.
It’s that simple. Yes, I know it would be cute to both wear green to breakfast with Nana, pink while waltzing around a botanical garden, or blue while exploring that aquarium you went to purely for Snapchat. But the truth is? It’s not cute. Not even a little bit. Because when people (and by “people,” I mean myself) see a couple walking around wearing matching clothes they think one thing and one thing only:
Someone in the relationship is very, very unhappy.
9 times out of 10, it’s the dude, who has, at this point, just given up all will to live. Once upon a time, he’d roll up to whatever function wearing whatever he wanted. Basketball shorts with a hole in them plus an “It’s Always Sunny” graphic tee? You know it. But after a few years of being together, a mistake or two on his part (like when he made out with that random girl at his CEO Bros and Corporate Hoes social), and the general acceptance that his girlfriend calls the shots, he’s all but rolled over and died. Now, whenever they go out to eat, go to a normal party, or just leave the house, she gives him the “are you really wearing that” look before heading into his closet to pick what he should put on.
No, not every couple who matches for all events is sad and miserable. Most of them are, but some weirdos actually like to do it. Thing is, however, that you’re making the people around you sad and miserable. So please, for the sake of everyone, stop color coordinating your everyday clothes. You don’t need to both be wearing yellow when you hit up your shitty apartment gym. And a pool party is fun without you both wearing lime green swimming suits. Unless you’re a twin and a child, or you’re an old couple in a retirement home who has a Notebook-like love story, leave your perfectly matched shades of purple at home. .
Image via TSM