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21 Power Moves You Can Pull When You Move Into A New Neighborhood

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21 Power Moves You Can Pull When You Move Into A New Neighborhood

Airdrop your furniture from a C-130 into your new neighborhood.

Deliver everything else in a full blown 18-wheeler semi.

Unload your Big Green Egg first.

Mark your territory by peeing on your lawn in full view of your new neighbors.

“You guys let me know if I ever need to move the Land Cruiser.”

First names first, all day everyday.

“Mark, I’m about to put enough meat in this Green Egg to feed Darfur for three weeks.”

“Jeff, home run derby. My backyard. 15 minutes. Bring your wife.”

“Steve, I just installed a mint condition 1987 edition Larry Bird pop-a-shot machine in my basement. You gotta see this thing.”

Make sure your 72-inch OLED faces out towards the street in plain view through your bay window.

“When’s the block party? I’ve got a great bouncy castle guy.”

Build a crow’s nest on top of your house and yell at your neighbor’s kids with a bullhorn.

Slip the neighborhood security officer a 20.

If you don’t have a neighborhood security officer, hire one yourself.

Announce your presence with authority at the neighborhood pool with a 15-minute can opener and cannonball exhibition set to “The Boys Are Back in Town.”

Put your “We don’t call the police” sign on the curb.

Tell your neighbors how their kids “don’t look like they’re from around here.”

Neighborhood fantasy football league commissioner.

Pay your HOA fees in cash.

Start an “Anyone else think Mark is just a total knob?” thread on Nextdoor.

Dad fight club.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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