Walk into the Low T center like you own the place because you do own the place, along with three other commercial real estate properties.
“Certified pre-owned? What am I, poor?”
Pull out game: strong.
Unplanned pregnancy nest egg: also strong.
Putting serious thought into the cost-benefit analysis of marriage and children vs. a boat and lake house.
Thinking about adopting, mostly for tax purposes.
“Tell me how much money you think I make.”
JO rag by Neiman Marcus.
Having a 401(k) that exceeds most of your friends’ home values and openly telling them about it.
Tell your married friends that Dave Ramsey “doesn’t know shit.”
Crushing loneliness? Not when you have a 72-inch curved 4K ultra HD TV. It’s like people are actually in your home.
Quell all the rumors about your sexual orientation by having old ‘90s Corona and Bud Dry posters matted and framed all over your condo.
Own a condo.
When someone asks you what you did over the weekend, answer “Just big baller shit,” even though you ate takeout for every meal and got zero matches on Bumble.
Drunkenly text “what do u say we give it another shot” to your ex who got married three years ago.
Spend so much time alone that you convince yourself that your house is haunted and hire ghost hunters to conduct a proper investigation.
Bring a new date to every progressive dinner party.
The “not again” eyeroll when your mom brings up grandkids.
Ask your neighbors how much their new nursery cost before driving off in your brand new Club Car.
Throw a dinner party and end it with a full-on slideshow of your three-week long European sex and drug vacation.
“I’m not crying, I think I’m just allergic to Nappa leather.” .
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