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GroupMes can be a great source of entertainment during the work day, but in critical situations, they can also be a real-time source for bad aggregated advice.
Take the following conversation below, for example. Presented with partially altered names and in real time, we have one man trying to escape the possibility of having to live with his girlfriend while four other guys try and talk him off the cliff — or push him off it, depending on your perspective.
Ladies, if your boyfriend is in a group message with his college buddies, this is essentially how all of his conversations go:
Paul: How do you tell the gf you don’t want to move in together
Paul: Or do you just break up with the gf
Dave: What
Gabe: Dude what
Dave: Dude do not move in with your girlfriend
Paul: Dude
Paul: She’s like ‘We’re almost 27 and it’s not like we aren’t planning on doing this forever ??’
Paul: Like how is it my fault she can’t find a roommate
Cody: Tell her you cheated on her last weekend
Paul: The cheating thing is not relevant
Cody: Ask her to leave you alone
Paul: She has no career goals or aspirations but she has lots of money so idk
Paul: We are in a fight about it currently and she is driving over to talk about it
Bryan: That’s terrifying
Paul: I’m honestly terrified of commitment of any kind
Gabe: That’s just called being a guy
Gabe: Guys being dudes
Dave: Dude you don’t have to do this at all
Paul: Right but how do I say that???
Bryan: Say “I really like you but I don’t want to live together”
Dave: Say “Find some girl roommates its easy”
Cody: I have literally never even met this girl
Bryan: Say “Find me some girl roommates”
Cody: Fuck is this what life is like
Paul: She’s a clinger guys she’s cool but she like doesn’t do anything besides spend money and ask me where I am
Bryan: haha omg say “i have goals and things”
Cody: send a screenshot
Gabe: Tell her you need time and making that step is moving too fast and you don’t think it’ll work out if y’all move into together this soon
Dave: Dude I feel like it’s unbelievably easy to not live with her without making her mad
Gabe: And just keep saying lying things like that after
Dave: Yeah never tell the truth that makes it so easy
Cody: say its not very christian
Paul: @Dave but every argument I have is basically me saying I don’t like you enough to move in
Bryan: Say no and give her a big hug and a pat on the booty
Gabe: Incorrect
Gabe: It’s saying you arnt ready
Gabe: And then just don’t be ready for another like 5 years
Bryan: Gabe have you done this before
Cody: we need screenshots
Bryan: Tell her you’re moving in but so is your little brother
Cody: Yeah just tell her she can move in but we can too
Bryan: Where tf do you find these girls
Gabe: Be nice to her so she still gives you BJs
Cody: murder her
James: What did I miss
Paul: I can’t
James: WHAT THE FUCK
Paul: I guess I’ll just live with her
Dave: That’s stupid as fuck
Cody: Ya come on
Bryan: Actually who cares
Paul: She’s almost here. I’ll let you know what happens.
Bryan: Good luck you idiot.
45 minutes later
Paul: We broke up.
Dave: good
Bryan: good
Cody: good
Gabe: good
James: good
Will update as more information becomes available..
Respond
Paul = Todd with a pair of balls
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“Ask her to leave you alone.” Cody is my favorite.
Cody by far is the most rational. “I haven’t even met this girl.” If your bros haven’t met your girl, then it’s too soon.
He also said murder her, which makes me think it’s the code name for JR.
good
good
good
“she like doesn’t do anything besides spend money and ask me where I am”… this girl sounds like a nightmare
this was the line that stuck out to me the most. he needs to GTFO
cc: Todd
and now I read to the end and he did GTFO
Todd, are you taking notes?
There’s always a James
Funnily enough, James (my Apostle) is the exact same way as the James here. Fucking James.
The group chats between me and the Apostles are lit!
Great read, very true. Let’s keep the story going
I am all of these people.
Cody gets it
Sounds like this relationship was doomed and the girlfriend was trying to “save” it by wanting to move in together. Close call there.