I Can’t Follow You On Instagram Because It’s Already Awkward

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I need to tell you something and I don’t think there’s a good way to do it. It’s been running through my mind for a while now but I haven’t been able to figure out how to remedy the situation or make things less uncomfortable between us. And, well, I just don’t know what to do at this point but be upfront and honest with you – I don’t follow you on Instagram.

It’s not because I think you take terrible photos and it’s not because I don’t like you. That’s not the case at all. It’s just that, well, I don’t know. Here, before we get into the reasons I don’t follow you, let me just say this – it’s not because I unfollowed you. Unfollowing is reserved for people who over-post, people who never post, and those old coworkers who you never liked in the first place. You don’t fall into that category, okay? You’re better than those people and I want you to know that before you begin to hate me more than you already do right now.

It’s just… it’s just awkward at this point.

There was a moment when I first got on Instagram where I just followed people that were connected to my Facebook account. Whether we were friends or not at that point is neither here nor there. We probably were, but like I said, it’s neither here nor there so let’s just move on.

There was a brief, unexplainable period where you followed me. Perhaps I wasn’t using Instagram that much yet (I was) or maybe I didn’t realize that you had followed me (but I probably did because I see everything that goes across my activity feed, including those accidental likes from my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend). But for whatever reason, I didn’t follow you. It’s possible that I thought I’d do it later, and it’s likely I just didn’t want to seem obsessive and eager by following you back immediately. But like I said, it’s unexplainable. But that’s still no excuse for not following you in the first place.

As weeks went by and you kept liking my photos, thoughts ran through my head – “Ugh, I need to follow them back,” and “Are they only liking my photos because they know I don’t follow them?” There were times when I couldn’t tell if you were messing with me, if you were fishing for me to follow you back, or if you actually like my photo. This probably isn’t any consolation, but I do want you to know that I saw your likes and appreciated your likes.

But I know that doesn’t make things better.

As weeks turned into months, I even came up with strategies to make things right. I told myself to follow you and immediately follow up with a text that read something to the effect of, “Oops, I accidentally unfollowed you which is probably why you just got notified that I followed you!” But that’s too obvious. Then I was going to try to follow you after you posted a photo so the notification would get lost in a sea of likes. But even then, you notice when someone follows you. And then, one night, I was going to follow you while I knew you were drunk in hopes you’d forget that I had never followed you in the first place. But then I got really drunk and forgot to do it.

Either way, I need you to know that I know and I feel badly about it. I’m praying you don’t have that app that tells who doesn’t follow you back. I’m begging that you never have the realization that our ten-year friendship didn’t mean enough to me to immediately follow you back. And most of all, I’m really hoping you don’t realize I don’t follow you which could result in you unfollowing me, because I can’t take that type of shot to my ego.

But I do want to say this: I’m sorry, and I simply can’t follow you on Instagram because it’s already awkward enough as it is. .

Image via Shutterstock

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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