Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: The Return Of The Lord

Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: The Return Of The Lord

Honestly, I had a great weekend: a quick girls trip filled with food, shopping and sleeping. So no complaints from me, and I’ll be trying to keep up the positive attitude as I slog through the work weekend looking forward to the extra day off next weekend. But there are a few people who are likely having trouble maintaining a positive attitude after the weekend they had.

Trevor Ariza

Houston Rocket Ariza has had some time on his hands since the Rockets were booted from the playoffs a couple weeks ago. So he’s been spending time at the San Fernando, California home he acquired when he was on the Lakers. Makes sense, right? Well, his choice of where to spend his time off may have lead him to be the fourth sports star to be a victim of what appears to be a celeb-targeting burglary ring.

Ariza noticed signs of forced entry at the home and called police; the burglars took items totaling upwards of $50,000. Ariza’s home is just the latest to be hit: Derek Fisher lost $300,000 in property (including five championship rings) when his home was struck in January, Nick Young had over $500,000 in goods stolen in March, the same month that the home of Dodgers right fielder Yasiel Puig was hit for over $500,000.

Given the amounts his sports brethren lost, maybe Ariza should be thankful? [via TMZ]

Scott Disick

It’s been a while since Lord Disick has appeared in this column and he’s been missed dearly. But he’s back, and also a victim of burglary.

Scott was in Vegas (obviously) celebrating his 34th birthday at 1 OAK, so it stands to reason that the robbers were well aware that the Lord was out of town when they hit his L.A. home early Sunday morning. No word on what was taken or if cops have any suspects, but here’s my crazy theory: the peeps that burgled Ariza’s home were so disappointed in the take that they decided to hit Disick’s house since anyone with social media knows exactly where he is at any moment. Crazy? Or crazy smart? [via Radar Online]

Granola Lovers

There have been lots of food shortages over the years – remember the great avocado famine of 2016? – and here we are again, with the item in question this time being brazil nuts.
Now, if you’re like me, you are probably like “Who the fuck eats brazil nuts?” but it turns out that it’s in one staple a bunch of us chow down on frequently: granola.

After a “disastrous” harvest this year, companies such as the UK’s Eat Natural are having to alter their recipes due to the dearth of the nut, with this year’s crop just one-fifth of what was taken in a year ago. The shortage has caused the wholesale price of brazils to more than double and manufacturers to scrabble to make sure they have enough of the nut for the 2017 holiday season (Really? Already?).

Guess I’ll just have to go back to putting Cinnamon Toast Crunch in my yogurt. [via Daily Mail]

Brandon Vezmar & Crystal Cruz

So here’s a story for you:

Boy (Brandon Vezmar) meets Girl (Crystal Cruz) on Bumble.

Boy and Girl agree to go on a first date to the movies to see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

Now, I hate the movies as a first date but that’s not exactly where this story goes wrong. Despite agreeing to see the movie, Cruz wasn’t particularly interested in the film and texted during the movie. Vezmar got upset and asked Cruz to step out of the theater if she wanted to text, which she did….and never came back. According to, that lead Vezmar to send this text to Cruz the next day:

Crystal, your behavior Saturday was not only rude but it cost me money. I want you to compensate me for the $17 movie ticket. Will you do this or do I have to pursue the money in small claims court?

And Vezmar wasn’t fucking around – when Cruz refused to pay him back for her ticket, he filed a petition in small claims court.

But all’s well that ends well: Cruz and Vezmar met at the theater (with TV cameras present, obviously), where Cruz apologized to Vezmar and paid him back, while Vezmar agreed to withdraw his suit.

So why did they both have a bad weekend? Because no one is going to want to go on a date with a batshit crazy dude and a super rude woman and now we all know what they look like. Honestly, these two should just cut their losses and marry each other at this point. [via Inside Edition]

Leah Ann Vick

Listen, we all love Girl Scout Cookies, even though it seems that we are split on which ones are the best. But no matter which flavor is your favorite, one would hope that you wouldn’t resort to stealing them, as 26-year-old Vick is accused of doing.

Vick is a Girl Scout troop leader in Kentucky who signed for more than $26,000 worth of cookies back in February, but did not pay the Kentucky’s Wilderness Road Girl Scout Council for them. According to the Council’s marketing director, Girl Scout troops sign an agreement to fulfill the total cost for the boxes of cookies they plan to sell and the organization fronts the money until Scouts sell their cookies and send back the funds. Despite their efforts to recover the funds from Vick, who was responsible for her troop’s order, they have yet to receive any of the cookie dough (haha), and she was arrested after a Pike County Circuit Court grand jury charged Vick with felony theft for which she could receive up to ten years in prison.

According to County Commonwealth’s Attorney Rick Bartley, there is an ongoing police investigation, as that there is no sign of the over 6,000 boxes of cookies or the money. “It is not clear if the troops sold the cookies and she kept the money or she sold the cookies herself and kept the money,” Bartley said.

May I propose a third option, Mr. Bartley?

[via CNN]

Image via Instagram

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at

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