As you settle into your cubicle this morning, you’re likely reflecting on your weekend, whether it was full of excitement over eagling the fifteenth hole, disappointment in the lack of sizzle when the server delivered your fajitas, or a days-long recovery from going a little too hard celebrating #NationalTequilaDay on Friday. But however your all-too-short reprieve from the office went, it was probably better than these people’s.
Couple On The Worst First Date Ever
I admit it: I am just not an outdoorsy girl. Props to people that enjoy a good hike or trail ride, but the closest I come to outdoor exercising is the occasional 18 holes of golf, and only with a cart. So if some guy said to me “What to go on a hike for our first date?” I assure you my response would not be positive.
And after reading about this couple in California, I don’t feel so bad about my proclivity for not wanting to climb mountains with someone I barely know. On Friday, a pair set off on a first date hike in the Angeles National Forest near Los Angeles. Despite having a map and a cell phone, the lovebirds got themselves lost and had to call a rescue crew airlift them out of the park. ‘Cause that’s not embarrassing or anything.
See? It’s much safer to just get a drink at the bar. Either way, I’m betting whoever suggested the hike won’t be getting a second date. [via ABC News]
So Snoop got arrested–in Sweden. The artist otherwise known was Calvin Broadus was detained after performing a concert in the Nordic nation, when the car he was riding in was pulled over and it was determined that Snoopzilla (as he requested he be referred to last year) “showed signs of drug influence,” according to local police. The rapper immediately took to Instagram from the roadside, and in a series of videos, seemed to imply that his brief detainment was racially motivated. Of course, the local police have denied the allegation, stating “This has nothing to do with racism, not at all.”
Now, racial profiling is a serious issue, but let’s give the Swedish police the benefit of the doubt here. Isn’t it a pretty reasonable assumption that Snoop Dogg is high like 100 percent of the time? I mean, this is a guy who counts this is as a hit on his discography:
It used to be that you could count on an Adam Sandler movie for a laugh. Billy Madison? Happy Gilmore? Big Daddy? And my personal favorite, The Wedding Singer? All gold. But given the last one of those was made in 1998, the 2000s haven’t been too great for Mr. Sandler. And his release for this weekend, Pixels, didn’t fare much better than Jack and Jill or Don’t Mess with the Zohan. In a weekend with limited new films, the movie lost first place to last week’s number one, Ant-Man. Even more disappointing? The reviews, which called for Sandler to “retire immediately” and called Pixels the “final nail in Adam Sandler’s creative coffin”. So what should Sandler do? Maybe just go back to doing what he does best – holiday songs. People eat that shit up.
Hungover Sunbathers in Las Vegas
If you’ve ever been to Vegas, you know the drill. Nights are spent getting shitfaced and throwing down money you don’t have on 22 black. Days are spent by the pool fighting off a nasty hangover by downing fruity umbrella drinks in the hope that if you just keep drinking, the scaries won’t catch up with you.
Unfortunately, those trying to follow that daytime protocol at the Cosmopolitan Las Vegas got a rude awakening Saturday when a fire started in the pool area. And by fire, I don’t mean a tiny campfire easily put out with an extinguisher:
— CNN iReport (@cnnireport) July 26, 2015
In fact, the entire 14th floor pool deck of the Bamboo Pool was engulfed in flame, including the cabanas, imitation palm trees, and pretty much everything else in the area. While what started the fire isn’t known yet, what caused it to spread so fast is: according to Clark County Fire Chief Greg Cassell, “What made it move so fast were all the fake palm trees.” More proof that, much like boobs, soda, and tans, the real thing is always better. [via CNN]
It’s really hard to feel bad for Lebron James, like ever. But over the weekend, the FCC released their report on Lebron’s accidental dick slip back during the NBA finals and it seems as though few people were entertained (or impressed) by James’ johnson. TMZ obtained the report and included the highlights:
— “LeBron James showed his d*ck on national television and completely ruined my tinder date. It made us late for laser tag because I had to rewind it a few times to make sure thats exactly what we saw so we missed our bus. He clearly did it on purpose and he’s not as good as Michael Jordan.”
No, no he’s not. Also, laser tag? Are you 12? Why don’t you just go on a hike and get lost?
— “I am shocked and appalled! I don’t want my kids looking at male genitalia on broadcast television. I am ok with seeing female mammary glands, labia, vagina, etc, over broadcast but no more penis, please!”
— “The camera had a close up of [LeBron’s] tallywacker. This is the type of stuff I would expect from Game of Thrones, but not from the American Broadcasting Channel. At least I now know that I am bigger than the purportedly ‘biggest’ star in the NBA.”
You and a lot of other dudes, from what I saw.
Now, let’s put this in perspective: Lebron’s piece in full view on TV = 5 complaints (three of which are hysterical). Janet Jackson’s boob out for like 2 seconds during 2004 Superbowl halftime show: 540,000 complaints. It’s got to hurt that 539,995 more people were more concerned about a boob than your “tallywacker,” huh, Lebron? I imagine almost as much as losing that NBA Championship. [via TMZ]
Know of someone that had a bad weekend? Email me (pictures are always welcome) and let us know, and you could see it in a future column.