A Grocery Store Love Story

A Grocery Store Love Story

Huh. When I walked in and grabbed my basket, I didn’t anticipate seeing you here again, but here we are. I mean, you remember the rapport we had last Sunday near the lobster tank, right? I was the guy with the rosé and avocados, and you were the one with the mangos and greek yogurt. I mean, I could be mistaken, but we both know we’ve seen each other here before, so let’s just stop this charade and acknowledge each other.

You and I? We do this tango all too often. I’m not sure why our schedules overlap like they do, but I’m not against it. Sometimes the world has plans for us, and who am I to question those plans? Love takes time so I think it’s hardly a coincidence that we keep running into each other.

It’s not that I disapprove of you being in the Gluten-Free Section at this Whole Foods, it’s just that I really have nothing to get there so I’m grasping at straws for an excuse to talk to you. Between your Nike Pro Combat leggings and that Patagonia R1 Pullover, you’ve got me intoxicated. I’m not trying to sleep with you, but a little reassurance that we’re on the same flirtation level wouldn’t hurt, would it?

And I don’t want to be too forward, but why are you rolling solo at 6 o’clock on a Wednesday night? Husband out of town? Kids at practice? Either way, I’m not hating it, I just want to make sure all’s good in your world right now. It looks like you either hit a tanning bed, went paddle-boarding, or spent some time poolside today. Whatever it was, it looks like you got some sun and should consider buying some aloe, but I’m not here to judge. You’re just glowing and I respect that.

If you’re looking for me, I’ll be mulling around in the meat section looking at which cut I’m going to grill tonight. If you don’t make your way over there, I’ll probably just get a Delmonico. But you and I both know that if you’re within an earshot of me, I’m going to request that thick cut filet at the front of the case with more volume in my voice than normal. Yeah, I’m trying to impress you, but you know that.

Oh, there you are. How are those avocados? I spent some time trying to find some for the ceviche I’m thinking about putting together tomorrow, but they were all too ripe so I’ve mentally committed to popping into the bodega on Cesar Chavez on my drive home. Looks like you found a couple of good ones though. Good for you; better you than me. I’m sure you’re too busy to be going to various markets strewn about town.

What was that you said? Why yes, the asparagus here is notably thin and yes, that’s how I like it too. And yes, of course, I have seen you here a few times before. See, I knew this wasn’t a one-way flirtation. We have a thing, don’t we? This is all feeling pretty harmonious, and I’m not too upset about it. And judging by your body language, you aren’t either. I don’t want to get too serious too early, so I’ll save any personal questions for the future. But my name’s Will, by the way. No, no, the pleasure’s all mine. Let’s part ways a bit. We don’t want to look too obvious.

I see what you’re doing over there in the wine section. Yeah, that Cab Sauv is on special. I actually just looked it up on my phone when I saw it at that price. But I’d recommend going with the red blend right next to it. My Delectable wine app just told me it was a phenomenal vintage. If you need any help carrying it to the register, just ask. Oh, you’re just going to put it in your basket on top of the kale, rhubarb, and some other vegetables I’ve never heard of? That’s fine, do your thing. I’m not passing any judgment.

We’re awfully close to the pre-mades right now, so whaddya say we do this song and dance over there before checking out? It’s fine, we don’t want to look like we’re together, so I’m going to peruse this tarragon chicken salad while you inquire about the nutritional facts of that Asian kale slaw. I don’t want to overstep here, but I’ve had it, and frankly, it’s remarkable.

I hate to leave this party early, but my basket is full and yours is too. And I know, I know, I don’t want to part ways either. But let’s not move too fast here. After all, you’ve got a family and I’m still trying to jumpstart my career, so let’s just keep this platonic. I’m sure we’ll see each other again. I know this city’s big, but you and I both know that this is kind of our place so we’ll cross paths again.

Oh, no, it’s fine. You go ahead and checkout in front of me. That basket looks heavy, and I’ve got nothing but time.

Image via Shutterstock

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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