If there truly is such a thing as #FoodPorn, Domino’s Pizza’s newest menu offering should be filed under NSFHC: Not Safe For Human Consumption.
Domino’s announced on Monday that they’ve gone completely batshit crazy and showed it by offering the Specialty Chicken Pizza, a “delicious” concoction of sauce, toppings and cheeses layered over 12 bites of breaded chicken nuggets. The new pizza will be offered in four flavors: Crispy Bacon & Tomato, Spicy Jalapeno-Pineapple, Classic Hot Buffalo and Sweet BBQ Bacon.
In short, they’ve created Chicken Nugget Crust Pizza, which is simultaneously causing your kindergarten self and your cardiologist to piss their pants with unbridled excitement. Now Dr. Goldstein can finally buy the new boat he’s been eyeing — I hope he christens it the “Quintuple Bypass.”
In a statement, Domino’s’ Chief Marketing Officer Russell Weiner called the heart-stopping new Pizza “one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had…there’s nothing quite like Domino’s Specialty Chicken on the market today.”
Probably for good reason. I’m almost too frightened to look up the Calorie Count for the brand-new Chicken Crust pizza, but I have no doubt that I’ll drunkenly consume this in the next few weeks, and then hate myself for it the next morning. I’ll take two with Cinna Stix, please.