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Brian Zulberti, whom PGP has covered before, is Delaware lawyer and social activist for pervs everywhere, and he is on a mission. That mission? Make it okay to post whatever you want to social media without any professional repercussions. Because dammit, this is America. Every man has the right to post his throbbing love log on Instagram, using a filter that expertly highlights its impressive vascularity, like an obelisk covered in serpents. If that’s what you’re packing, casual acquaintances and people you went to high school with need to know. I can’t say I disagree with Zulberti. Why shouldn’t a person be allowed to post whatever they want within the privacy of a public social media account without any repercussions? It just seems un-American. Thank God that Zulberti, who sent the following letter to attorneys across the state of Delaware, is fighting for this cause.
Dear Esteemed Colleague of the Delaware Bar,
I contact you asking for your support in an important social cause, albeit a controversial one. Here in Delaware, attorneys have a tendency to tout themselves as paradigms of legal competence, candor, and professionalism. What better distinguished body to take the forefront and speak out against the tidal wave of social media firings that is unjustly obliterating competent and driven employees from coast to coast.
The problem is simple. Americans everywhere, especially professionals such as ourselves, are being fired for posting things through social media that are completely legal and have no tangible relevance whatsoever to their performance at work. The result has been the rise of the nonsensical belief that employers have the right to deem all of their employees as the “face of the company” during every waking moment of their lives. The further result is that each and every one of us, as attorneys, is faced with the decision to either fit into the expectations of how we behave in our private lives, or face the very real specter of devastating workplace consequences.
This is wrong, and I have been working full time since the end of July, thanks in large part to generous donations from supporters and fans, to draw attention to this movement.
This movement is beautiful, really. It’s amazing to see how far we’ve come as a nation. Not only do we no longer judge someone by the color of their skin, but we’ve finally become strong enough as a people to stand up and refuse to judge others by the content of their character as well. It’s a proud day to be an American.
(*Wipes tear from eye, salutes American flag, Vines a meatspin selfie*)
I will offer a brief caution against opening my website at work or in a public place. There is some adult material on the site. After all, in order to stand up and boldly urge Americans everywhere to appreciate diversity, flaunt their identities, and never shy from posting whatever they want to on social media, so long as it is not illegal and does not pertain directly to coworkers or client confidences, I had to go “balls to the wall.” Yes, I did this by posing nude on my website. I am “all in” in this metaphorical poker game, and I invite you all to ante up and assist me.
I can, unfortunately, confirm that Mr. Zulberti posted several nude shots to his website, which are here and obviously NSFW. Part of me respects the fact this guy legitimately believes he’s doing society a service by posting dick pics. That is some serious cock confidence. Then a much larger, far more rational part of me remembers that I just looked at some guy’s dick. I’m pretty sure that based on his affinity for exhibitionism, and his complete lack of shame, Zulberti’s chances of ending up in porn rest somewhere in the 80th percentile range currently. One can only hope this social crusader will fuck for money for justice as well.
Regardless, the fact that Mr. Zulberti just invited every important attorney in Delaware to take a gander at his junk is a pretty hilarious plea for attention, though what public dick pic isn’t? In fact, and I don’t know if Guinness keeps these records, but Zulberti may have just set the all time world record for most widely distributed, sincerely sent, dick pic between heterosexual males (though I assume there were at least a few gay lawyers on the mailing list).
Here’s the deal though, staying in the realm of dick pics, anyway. Even if someone actually believed that posting things like that to social media shouldn’t affect your professional status, in terms of job security, I think the
exhibitionist attention whore in Zulberti fails to realize that, even if you wouldn’t lose your job over a dick pic, you would certainly lose clients, which would then warrant you losing your job. Count me among what I assume is the majority of Americans when I say that if I came across my attorney’s personal Twitter and caught a glimpse of his hangdown, I would probably seek new counsel, unless I noticed that the tweet was favorited by the judge or something. I would actually respect that less than if my lawyer whipped his dick out at a bar. At a bar it’s funny. HA! A dick! Look at this fuckin’ guy! He’s crazy! But on the internet? So trashy, and so lame.
But keep on fightin’ the completely unnecessary and un-winnable fight, Brian Zulberti. Maybe one day we will live in a land where no one is ever held accountable for anything ever. One can only hope.
(*Hums “My Country Tis of Thee”, puts hand on heart, uses other hand to Insta my package against the sunset over a lake, Kelvin filter*)
[via Above The Law]